Little Magazine 7

Creating Clarity Amidst Ambiguity

I came across

the notion of “Ambiguous Loss” recently during a webinar with Harvard University Chaplains Dr. Pat & Tammy McLeod, led by Voca Center. Ambiguous Loss can be defined as: Physical Absence with Psychological Presence (e.g. absent parents due to divorce), or Psychological Absence with Physical Presence (e.g. Alzheimer’s, addiction). I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I quickly realized the value of this seminar, as Ambiguous Loss is defined as the most stressful type of loss because of several variables, including: the inherent barriers it creates for grieving and coping, the lack of a linear process towards letting go, the fact that it’s rarely validated, and… there’s no closure! We are all enduring a form of Ambiguous Loss right now. With Covid-19, Quarantine and the general state of the world, there’s a ton to process. There’s always the laden voice that says “I should be so lucky, my neighbor/ cousin/ friend is much worse off, so I’m not going to complain.” We’re constantly minimizing, justifying, grappling with or altogether ignoring our current situations. It’s very un-American to whine. Suck it up and trek on, as we say …except that doesn’t work for the long run. Even if you “feel fine,” it doesn’t hurt to take preventative measures towards optimal mental health. Here are eight ways of growing resilience:

1. Your loss is valid; grieve it

2. Be gentle with each other and yourself

3. Revise attachments

4. Reconstruct identity

5. Temper mastery

6. Normalize ambivalence

7. Find meaning

8. Discover new hopes

In short, let’s be okay with not being okay. And let’s give ourselves a little cushion to figure things out. Our bodies need sleep and rest, so it’s natural to allow our minds to process and rest, too.

Steps towards healing.

The past couple Q+A with a few beauty gurus and friends got me thinking. When prompted to answer “what’s your beauty secret?” Surprisingly, much of their answer entailed body and mind awareness. This got me thinking. What is in our head and our hearts will inevitably manifest physically. It’s short-sighted to remedy our skin, for example, without considering all of our other lifestyle choices and its impact on our health.

So let’s be proactive. Think about who it is in your life, your community, that is helping you with your losses?

-Create a Safe place. Deal with your job/ circumstance as a whole person. Don’t smooth over things.

-Process + Action. It’s impossible to move forward fully without processing where you’ve been.

-Growth. Processing loss in healthy ways grows your empathy and makes you more resilient, not to mention healthier and happier.

Tippy-Tips with Peony

Ivy-league-grad and ex-Financier in NYC, Peony went on a vacation to Spain and never came back. She has now been in Spain for 20 years. She is not only the Beauty Industry Pioneer in Barcelona, with three beautiful salons, one in Passeig de Gracia, known as the “Rodeo Drive” of Barcelona, but she is well-respected amongst her Entrepreneurial peers and is beloved by her Spanish community. Her focus is on high performing, bio-compatible skincare products and facial treatments, rendering world-class luxury beauty services, and staying healthy and beautiful, naturally.

1. Favorite products or services right now?

Microcurrent facials: After menopause, my skin’s health took a punch. It’s a lot thinner, the muscles on my face are flaccid, sagging, and I look tired all the time.  

A microcurrent session immediately makes my skin look brighter, my facial muscles more toned, and my face awake and energized. Much like the way my body feels after a good workout in the gym. 

I’ve cut back on alcohol significantly because my body no longer flushes it out of my system as efficiently, so when I treat myself to an evening that includes champagne, I get a microcurrent facial to flush out all the toxin with a lymphatic drainage.  

Microcurrent facials enable me to avoid fillers and botox because it not only tones my facial muscles but also moves it back to its near original position on my face. It also stimulates collagen and elastin production (by 20% per session) and adenosine triphosphate (by 500% per session) and consequently reduces fine lines. 

For those interested in trying microcurrent facial, I suggest doing a kick start program of 12 sessions within a month and then doing monthly maintenance subsequently.  

One of the cleansing product I’ve been faithful to for over a decade is Bamboo Salve by Dulkamara. It’s by a small company in Navarro; the product uses the highest quality botanicals and bamboo sap, which is rich in anti-oxidants. I use it like water micellar - I deposit a small amount on a cotton pad and wipe the dirt and pollution off my face. I don't rinse it off.  

They also have a Bamboo Milk that takes away redness and inflammation almost immediately. We use it after threading the upper lips or eyebrows in the salon.  

2. What is something you’d like people to know?

I want younger women to know that there are fantastic options to Botox and that getting Baby Botox as a preventative treatment is not a good idea. Dr. Andrew Jacono commented that you are stretching your skin to make room for the injection when you inject Botox before you need it. So when that injection wears off, your skin is loser than it would have been otherwise.  

You can read up on it: Park Avenue Face book Dr. Andrew Jacono. 

Microcurrent is the best preventative treatment, and it also helps rehabilitate atrophied facial muscles from years of Botox use. I have noticed that people who do regular sessions of microcurrent look about ten years younger than their peers. 

3. What’s your Beauty Secret?

Yoga and meditation. The state of my body affects my facial expression. When my body is not comfortable, or my back is aching, or I feel stiff, that tension shows on my face. 

Yoga became especially important to me in my 50’s. I do a session every morning, and when I skip, I regret it. I practice Iyengar yoga. I call it military yoga because it’s about precision and holding the asana position for some time. Because it’s static, it can be a bit boring, but the results are worth it. 

May you find rest and healing, friends. Til next Tuesday! -Renee